SCOUTS HONOR.

A doctor tells you that you’re sick- that it’s unpredictable

& there’s no knowing how it will go-

They say you have options, of course, but there aren’t any cures

& the treatment options don’t always work, the ones that work -

don’t necessarily work forever.

You take all the pamphlets but they resemble mad libs more than anything else.

You realize it’s more like a guidebook really.

The maps don’t have marked routes, just ideas,

methods to follow to an unreliable destination.

& there you are, stuck to fill in all the blanks -

You trek through muddy feelings- 

You find out what your poison ivy is when you least expect it.

You quickly find out what berries make you sick.

You fight down branches to form whatever path you can.

You spend your energy on survival, everyday.

& the odds of anyone else being able to follow your routes, read through your mad libs- is low.

There are days where I find it unfair I got dealt this card. On those days I am given two options:

Number 1 -

Follow the thought down the spiral and let it spin me

around, around and around

until I fall down into all the muck I dug up.

OR Number 2 -

Radical Acceptance.

I have begun to chose the latter.

It doesn’t seem as easy as letting your thoughts over take you,

but radical acceptance feels pretty badass.

Because by the end of the day - the heavy weight I woke up with has subsided, or lightened at least.

By not taking that time to indulge in woe, I have a successful hike.

Those are the days I discover the berries I can eat,

& which ones even taste pretty good.

Those are the days I am able to observe the birds in the sky

& I duck when I need to.

Photos by: Ashley Carucci - March 2024, NYC