MIDYEAR

this is where I’m at right now.

It’s like standing at the edge of a cliff and the ground underneath you is  starting to give. They’ve set up a barrier behind you to block others from the potential catastrophe, to prevent more idiots from running over.  There’s a rescue team but they’re still devising their plan, still weighing the pros and cons of the mission.  Is it worth the risk?  Or is it about having faith?  We stand back but we have faith you’ll figure it out, or the land will repair itself or a flyer saucer will intervene. 

But I don’t have faith, I don’t believe in miracles.  I don’t believe time alone will save me.  I do believe things take time but things need honesty and effort to survive.  A baby bird can’t survive without it’s mother making the effort to bring it food.  A baby won’t survive if all it’s cries are ignored.  (I guess I’m a bird and a baby) 

The ground is never going to magically appear beneath my feet. And that barrier, the boundary you’ve set up for preservation, it’s weak. The story is spreading, just a matter of time before the news shows up to broadcast the damage and hypothesis about solutions. I’m screaming from the edge for someone to come get me but they can’t hear me over their own megaphones announcing “the situation is under control”  “It’ll be fine”  There’s no rope to throw. There’s no helicopter to air lift me out. There’s no one asking me what I need out here.  I have a solid solution because who can get themselves out of a mess better than me?  (No one, that’s who- I play the role of perfectionist very well)